This is a long blog, read what resonates with you, skip over the rest but please read at least the communication part as it helps with all human interactions.
The Importance of Communication
In the first part, we talked about how we can turn everyday activities into meditation or mindfulness practices. In this entry, I want to focus on human interaction. As the goal is to overcome anger, greed and separateness in the world, I find it important to explain how we can approach a sense of oneness and maybe even teach others how to do that. It is so simple.
Mindful Speech
Communication can be a spiritual practice. Words have power, transmit energy and connect you with others. Intonation and the choice of words can influence how the other person response to what you say. It starts by just being aware of how what we say impacts others. Think before you speak.
As Don Miguel Ruiz says in one of the four agreements, let your words be impeccable. Let the essence of your words be filled with love, truth and understanding.
Ask yourself before you speak: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Take a few breaths before you speak or send a message.
Words can hurt, make people defensive or lift them up and make them happy. That is the power of words. So be mindful of what you say! Misunderstandings happen because the people talking with each other come with a different decoding system from their own story. To get on the same page, takes some people more effort than others. Being aware of that helps, and maybe even knowing the other person's story.
Especially in the age of online chats and messaging, misunderstandings happen easily as there is no face or intonation to back up the true meaning behind the written words. Be mindful of the energy of the words that are sent, be mindful how you receive words from others versus how the sender may have meant them.
Another pattern I have noticed is that we sometimes say things to others that are not necessary for them to hear, so what is the motivation behind us telling them those things? Is it for the benefit of all or just for us?
Be mindful of how you react to some of the things that are said and look inside if it feels intense to find the source what triggered this reaction (meaning you lash out) versus mindful response) comes from.
Deep Listening
I am sure you have had those moments where you catch your mind drifting off thinking of something else while someone is talking to you. You are no longer present with them and their message, you are caught up in your thoughts. It takes a lot of effort at times to listen to someone if you feel that what this person is talking about is irrelevant for you. Your storytelling mind is telling you this is boring or this person is just wrong. The other person may sense your disinterest, and if someone has ever done this to you, you know it can be a painful experience. If you are in a meeting, a class or workshop, this often happens. We drift off. Or we judge as we disagree with something that is said.
Here are some tips to try deep listening and being present
- What if you made a real effort to be fully present with whoever is talking to you or a group of people including you, sensing their words and their meanings, reading their body language?
- Be aware of how you understand the words said may differ from how they were meant by the sender
- Let go of judgment, allow others to have their own opinion. Be aware that you have a different opinion or belief system than the person you are talking to and acknowledge that everyone is entitled to their own. You can still tell them your opinion but make sure it is not said with the intent of judging the other person, say something, like "I see what you mean, my opinion is different but that's ok."
Whenever we interact with others, we connect with them energetically. Be aware of what you are sensing and learn to discern what is yours and what you may have picked up from someone else by asking yourself "is this mine?". If the answer is no, wrap it into light and love and return to sender. If it is yours, be gentle with yourself and explore it with tender awareness like a mother would help her child.
Some people are more likely to open up to you and tell you their life story because they just sense you are a good listener and helper nature. Let them talk, tell their story and try as best you can to stay present with compassion and without judgment. For lightworkers especially, remember, you can be a guide post and point the direction of change if you feel they are on the wrong path but you cannot drag them along the right one. Sometimes the other person has to walk their path alone. If it is hard for you to let go of wanting to help, then there is an issue within you you need to look at, but that is another blog topic, healer pitfalls.
Mindfulness and Parenting, a new approach to spiritual parenting
As a working mother, time I get to spend with my daughter is precious. I remember who one man said at a meditation group once how he practice the mindful communication skills with his kids and made an effort to be with them completely for at least one hour a day, listening to what they have to say and communicating with them on their level. Parents of younger children function as role models for their children. So I am making more of an effort to show my daughter how she can deal with her emotions without screaming and find ways to soothe herself (breathing). When she screams in frustration, I stay calm, acknowledge that she is angry things are not going her way and ask her to breathe and calm down. After a while, I find ways to get her attention on something else and she gets over it.
I encourage other parents to spend as much time as you can out in nature with your kids. And play, playing is such a great way to connect with your kids in a fun way and it is educational as well! I am not talking video games, I am talking real games and playing outside. I taught my daughter how to hug a tree and the other week at the farmer's market in a park she ran off and hugged three trees without me prompting her. Nature is a great teacher and teaching your kids ways to find solace and the beauty of the divine in it early on will help them to stay connected with it as adults.
There are many games out there how you can explain spiritual concepts to kids. One of my favorite is explaining souls, energy etc. You just use water, ice cubes and let the ice cubes melt, showing how they change form. Then you boil the water and it dissipates into air. So the souls from the human body move on in other energy forms that we may not necessarily see.
Sexuality Spirituality and Mindfulness
When we connect on a physical level with one another, it does not always mean we also connect with each other as deeply as we think. I read this article about mindfulness and sex in a magazine recently. It talked about how we often are not even present in our mind with the other person, let alone energetically, but just physically there. Have you ever run over a grocery list in your head while having sex?
Remember that the mindful speech and deep listening skills are very helpful when you connect sexually with your partner. Let them know what you want, feel, experience. Listen deeply to what they experience and want.
Men and women have different ways of how they view sex and how the relate to each other by "doing it".
Imagine the involved people, male or female, are willing to completely be present with their mind. You each allow the energies merge, opening your heart in total trust to each other. You allow the divine energy flow through you by connecting not only with each other but with the divine energy. Imagine how this can deepen the physical arousal experience, as you raise your vibrations to a new level combining body, mind and spirit with another human soul!
There are many resources out there about sexuality and spirituality, kama sutra just being one example. A couple of interesting perspectives are books written by Nicole Daedone or David Deida. My favorite website is One Taste talking about orgasmic meditation.
For women, here is to you, celebrating your body and the divine feminine within:
This is a great youtube video by Megan Watterson talking about bringing women into the Divine equation, as women's bodies have always been depicted as sinful in many religions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh9EzS4qws4
To sum it all up, every human interaction you have is an opportunity to integrate your spirituality, your meditation or mindfulness practice into your everyday life and to grow from that. Small acts of kindness make this world a better place and it starts with you. You start the ripple effect. It brings us one step closer to a better world. Now you just have to remember to practice.
