As healers and light workers, we come across many people and situations that test our limits. Over the years, I have made mistakes, lived and learned from them and adjusted on what it means to me to be a healer and/or lightworker, and intuitive coach. I am listing here some pitfalls and mistakes I have experienced myself and observed in others and giving tips on how to avoid them. Best first step to avoid them is being aware of them.
Savior Control Drama: The Healer's Ego
The healer or light worker makes the person feel like he/she is the only one who can help. He/she tells the person cannot succeed in their life without their help, creating a level of dependency.
It feels wonderful to get positive feedback after you helped someone. They are ready to go their own path but you are not ready to let them go as you wish to continue on your path of success with them, but in the end, it is their healing path.
I have to mention that in some cases it is very important to refer someone to a health professional or maybe another person who is more knowledgeable in a certain condition. We have to accept our limits and know when it is best to send someone to a specialist.
One example is trying to intervene with some form of healing almost to the point of pushing that person to accept it as otherwise it would make you as the healer feel bad.This has happened to me before when a friend who was not doing well at all refused that I sent him Reiki, it made me feel completely helpless. It took me a few hours after to figure out that this was something I had to look at within me. I learned to allow him to go his path and surrender to not being able to help at that time.
The outcome after the healing is not coinciding with what the healer expected which leads to disappointment, anxiety and discomfort within and questioning your own skills as a healer. Here is an example from me. As a reiki practitioner, many times I caught myself thinking of I hope this person's pain was relieved or I hope that their illness may improve dramatically or even be completely healed, which is coming from my ego and not from my heart space. My biggest lesson in this regard was at the hospice working with the dying, where no hope was left. The best I could do was help them relax and feel more comfortable. The scariest experience I had was working on a hospice resident who was continuously convulsing due to active kidney failure. It was hard to see that the reiki I sent to this person was only little relief. I was aware how I took on some of their suffering as my own at the time and felt bad that I could not help.
There are cases where the person receiving the healing is getting worse before they get better, but this may be a necessary path for the healing to actually happen, some call this a "healing crisis".
I have also come across many light workers and healers who tell other healers or light workers indirectly that their method or wisdom is superior to that of another healer or light worker. This happens in some cases in the reiki community where someone claims their lineage is stronger or better and closer to the true teachings than other reiki lineages. I would like to caution here that this is spiritual ego. I never disrespect anyone or any form of healing, even if I do not always agree or understand it, I respect it and never devalue it.
Energetic Trespassing: Crossing Energetic Boundaries without Consent
As a reiki practitioner, one of the very first things I learned was to ask the person I am doing a session on, be it hands-on or long-distance, for permission to do so. I always ask and if I cannot do so in person, I connect with their higher self asking for permission. There have been a couple of times where I got a no and respected that.
I had a very bad energetic trespassing experience in 2012 while I was down with a broken leg at home. I was chatting with someone online when he all of a sudden just said, I am sending you energy healing now to your leg. Usually, the energy healing I receive feels good, but this energy felt completely convoluted, and I asked him to stop sending it, he asked why. I could not explain it, but I felt violated by this energy in my own energy field. So I explained this to him and how I felt that he needed to do some healing within himself first before he sent anyone healing. He admitted he had issues but refused wanting to deal with them, that it helped him best when he could heal others, which in my opinion selfish displacement of dealing with his own shadows. Luckily, this has been the only really bad experience I have had. I clear my energy fields and protect myself better now on a regular basis.
It is very important to keep your energy fields cleansed and boundaries clear as a healer as well as the person being healed. Please check my blog on energy protection and clearing for more tips.
The Wounded Healer: Feeling Drained and Lack of Self Care
The healer is offering his/her help to others completely disregarding his/her own mental/emotional/physical needs, to the point of complete exhaustion and sickness. Being asked by someone for help despite not feeling well yourself, you give in and say yes. Then there are people you may come across that remind you of someone or some situation that caused you pain, and that as well can become draining.
The healer does not take responsibility for his/her own short falls and shadows, and does not work practice self care and healing which may lead to the healer projecting his/her shadows and energetic blocks on others.
I have done that, said yes to help someone despite myself not feeling well enough, and that is also sort of a savior drama, of maybe not being loveable or good enough if you say no to that person. I had to remind myself that without self care I cannot be a good healer, and that is true for all of us.
Working as a hospice volunteer, I once experienced a severe burnout after having worked with a hospice resident that reminded me very much of my father who had died years before of cancer. The hospice volunteer coordinator asked me after to not come back for a few weeks, and just take care of myself, maybe see a therapist. This was good advice at the time.
Solutions:
- Self care is the most important thing healers must take care of and I see most healers lack. How can you empower others to live an empowered life if you are not walking the talk and take care of yourself? Give yourself energy healings, hands on, every day if you can. See other healers if you must. Meditate and go for walks in nature.
- Look within and be aware of what is going on within you, deal with your own shadows as well.
- Learn to say NO if you feel uncomfortable helping someone. Be honest if you are not feeling well or if you feel you are unable to help them. Refer them to a specialist in the area if you can.
- Be the lighthouse: Don't chase people with your abilities but be a guiding light so they can find their own path.
- You are the spark for their innate self healing ability, and nothing more or less. It is up to the person you are helping to activate their innate self healing power with the spark they received from you.
- Consider yourself as the cable that conducts the electricity between the plug (the Universe, Divine, Source, Spirit, Universal Life Force) and the person being the lamp receiving it. You are never using your own internal energy resources, that would drain you over the long run. Use the universal life force energy that is all around you.
- Respect the boundaries of others. Communicate clearly with them before you do anything.
- Make sure you remain strong and clear with your own boundaries. Some people use energetic light protection or crystals during healings to help emphasize their boundaries with those they work with. In some cases, you may have to assert the boundaries to clarify.
- Frequently clear your energy field, especially after healing sessions
- Stay humble at all times.
- Be grateful for any feedback positive or negative and when there is none, just leave it at that.
- Remember your role as someone who empowers others to take charge of their life and healing process, allow them to take responsibility for their life choices.
