"Change is inevitable, growth is optional."
Quote by John C. Maxwell
If there is one thing that is sure in life, it is change. Nothing lasts. It is a hard concept to accept but if we can, then it can turn into a valuable spiritual life lesson. We just have to remember we are the directors of our life story, can turn drama into an adventure or a comedy. We can detach from the story and witness it rather than becoming caught up in it.Often we are faced with sudden unexpected changes which come to us as a shock, such as loss of a relationship, job or even loss of health. Grief is not only experienced when someone dies but also when we lose something we felt was a safe container for us to be in. When life situations change drastically from one moment to the next, we are faced with the attachments we have created in our life, and we may have to let go. Sometimes we have become so attached to those situations that we started identifying with them.
Let's look at the examples again of relationship, job or health. If someone is diagnosed with a serious disease or breaks some bones, a lot of those things shift as well. You are no longer at work, your relationship changes around your needs for your health. Not being able to do certain activities you used to love such as walking, dancing, sports may have been lost. You are stripped of what you use to create your reality and social image. Someone once pointed out to me how you are stripped of all of your identity including your clothes (which is often big part of who we are) and social life when we are in the hospital. You have to adjust to a new life based upon what you are still able to do and what you have.
If a relationship comes to an end, be it initiated by you or the other person, it includes a shift in your status but also in how much human affection you are receiving. Potentially an ended relationship changes your financial status which also provided you with a sense of comfort. Losing a job is not only changing your financial status but you may feel you are losing a sense of purpose. Both affect some of our basic human need of feeling safe and loved.
Those life changes strip us down to our essence and allow us (often force us) to clean house, facing old wounds and heal them. It is important to acknowledge how we grieve any loss in life (be it the life style we are used to, a person, our abilities), and be with it but not stay there. They can be used as opportunities to create a new container of self love and self compassion. In an earlier blog entry I talked about acceptance and surrender which is where you can start to shift your changes into an opportunity for growth and finding joy again.
The key is even in the most devastating situation to see the good, the beauty in it, to ask for help when needed and never loose your faith in things improving. As an example, I would like to take a small community that got cut off from the rest of civilization for several days in rural Vermont due to the devastating storm Irene. It brought the whole community together to help each other out and strategize with what they had at hand, making the best of the situation. Everyone contributed with their ideas and strengths. There is a documentary called "Flood Bound" talking to the residents of the town. They all came from different backgrounds and the devastating situation brought them together, made them stronger within their community. They even hosted and planned a wedding party for a couple whose family and friends could not join them as the town was cut off from the rest of the world.
At first, life changes can be scary as we face the unknown and we get caught up with having to rebuild our lives. Best advice I can give is, pull your sleeves up and get on it, one small step at a time. If you need help, ask for it.
Explore new ways of finding joy within the parameters of what is possible now, being by yourself in this new situation.
- what can you do today to bring joy back into your life? What would you do for another friend to cheer them up? Do that for yourself.
- start doing something creative: write, make up poems or stories in your head, make art, dance, even with limited movement, you can dance...
- being your own best friend
- reaching out to others, finding joy with them
- volunteer to bring joy to others and finding joy within
- leap of faith - voluntary change into the unknown
- tips on pampering yourself on a budget can be found here
